As some of you may know, our site was hacked this past weekend. By whom exactly, we don’t know, but in light of recent events, I think it’s safe to assume that our board game opinions do not line up with those of North Korea. In a statement that we received following the attack on our systems, North Korean leaders condemned our love of Camel Up.
“You know very well that two-humped camels reside in Asia, not Africa and. . . even the Mythbusters would never consider four camels atop one another plausible.”
After further investigation, we have discovered that the perpetrators unearthed a number of perplexities within the site including, but not limited to:
- Pictures of a naked meeple;
- An expansion that makes Arkham Horror bearable;
- My fixation with Antoine Bauza (Oh…wait. Everyone knows that.);
- The location of Ben and Kelly B!; and
- Smee’s real name. (Just kidding. He doesn’t have one.)
In addition to denouncing the “blatant acceptance of this cultural and thematic misstep,” they also supplied an extensive list of “unacceptable” board game actions. As a result, we have decided to do what every red-blooded American organization would do and cave to these bullying tactics. The League of Nonsensical Gamers has complied with their demands and from this day forth, we deem the following as acceptable board gaming culture:
- Roll & Move: We now fully accept and encourage designers to use this timeless mechanic to increase the fun and randomness in all of their games;
- Cardboard Standees: Elusive yet majestic, these components take me back to when I was a 5-year-old playing Candy Land, a brilliant game of strategic candy set collection.
- Kickstarter Delays: Your project is eight months late. No worries. We understand. Please continue to hold our money in limbo as you sort through whatever issues you are having and send a vague update every three months. And after I receive my game, feel free to release the 2nd edition immediately after to upgrade the components or correct all the mistakes you made in the 1st edition. I’ll buy both!
- Zombie Theme: There can never be enough zombie games on the market. Games with unique and appealing themes be damned. We accept that all games should have zombies.
- Terribly Written Rulebooks: No knead to proof thes oar make sure they are comprehendable or gramatically currect any longer. It’s my mistake, I should have understood and played the game right the first time.
We hope that by complying with the demands of these ruthless mercenaries that our site will be spared any further trouble in the future. Apologies again for the downtime.